They Wish
by uniquely fresh
Summary: The Aftermath of 5.19 *Disclaimer- I own nothing.


**We Wish-**

Objects that involved spinning blades churned Owen's stomach. The large fan in boiler room haunted him. The day Cristina flinched as he tried to kiss her broke him. He could no longer step foot in there. Meeting the hospital's helicopter was a task he could no longer handle. Instead he instructed the resident to meet it as he waited in the stairwell. In his apartment he acted as though his bedroom had never been constructed. The ceiling fan that lingered in there disturbed him. Simple appliances found their way in the trash; blender and food processor. Those spinning blades were a reminder of how he single handedly shredded his relationship with Cristina. He hurt her with his own two hands. Although that hurt was unintentional he could not forgive himself, even if she could.

At work he functioned mechanically. He avoided Cristina any time he was in the same vicinity of her. When choosing residents he made sure to exclude her name from his pickings. When no other paths were available and passing by her was necessary he held his breath and kept his eyes fixated ahead. He could not bear for their eyes to meet. Even though the bruises on her neck disappeared the sight of them remained burned into his brain.

The day he requested a leave of absence to the Chief, he did so robotically. The blank stare in his eyes worried the Chief, but he did not ask any questions and approved his request. Owen looked as if he had lost himself completely.

The night he packed his bags he did so furiously, with tears streaming down his face.

He parked in front of her apartment building, staring at her window. Sadness and depression cast over him. He would miss her. Tears filled his eyes but none were allowed to escape.

He started his truck, and as he put it in drive he whispered toward her window.

"I _wish_ that things weren't-"

"That they _could_ be-"

"That _we_ could be-"

And he drove off. Away from Cristina and in the direction of an army vet center.

* * *

Cristina rearranged her room twelve times. No matter where her bedroom furniture was placed the episode of Owen's nightmare hovered. In the end she placed every piece of furniture in its original spot. She grabbed a baseball bat from the closet and began swinging at the ceiling fan frantically. Tears streamed down her face rapidly. They escaped her eyes every night since she broke up with Owen. When the fan was finally demolished she gathered all its pieces and furiously shoved them in the garbage. While huffing and puffing for breath she began to hate the builder who assembled these track of apartments. She hated the person who thought of the idea of hanging fans from ceilings. She resented the innovation of the fan.

At work she put on her best professional face. She acted as though nothing was wrong, although her puffy eyes told another story. She steered clear of her friend's questions by changing the subject or simply ignoring them. Talking about it made it worse. Talking about it made her want to cry. Something that the Cristina Yang every one in that hospital knew did not do. At times she prayed she would be on his service, just to be near him, just to have a small moment to breathe him in, but those moments never came. Anytime her eyes would catch him she would stare hoping he would look at her and meet her gaze, but his eyes remained focused ahead. The man she once saw was slowly dissolving before her eyes.

The night she peed on a pregnancy stick is when she unraveled for the worst.

The five minute wait felt like an eternity.

The sight of the small plus sign that appeared on the stick made her shake violently.

Using a pen never felt more difficult, as she wrote the name of her emergency contact person.

The night before her abortion she sobbed uncontrollably. She put on one of Owen's dark grey shirts he left behind. She lay in bed, wrapping her arms around her belly tightly.

Through frantic sobs broken words escaped her mouth.

"I _wish_ that things weren't-"

"That they _could_ be-"

"That _we_ could be-"


End file.
